自考本科英语作文范文

1、自考本科英语写作怎样拿高分

写作文，平时早读时要多记忆优美的句子或文章，有利于你写出好的文章；其次，你要多看看英语作文，总结出常见的英语作文类型，在写作文时，要学会套用模版，还有常用的开头语与结尾语，这样有利于英语作文的提分，不确定的单词不要用，不熟悉的语法不要用。哦，忘了一点，在做英语卷纸的时候，你先看一下作文是什么，再去做前边的题，有时前边的阅读理解中有关于该话题的一些句子，你可以把它画下来，然后写作文的时候就得心应手了。
这是我喜欢的方法，希望可以帮助你。学英语不要将它想的很难，不就是26个字母颠来倒去的组成单词，然后再通过一定的语法组成句子，汉语那么多的字都认识了，害怕英语吗？呵呵，加油，相信自己，静下心来，你一定可以的。有问题可以继续问我。

2、自考英语二作文模板

一、英语书信的常见写作模板 开头部分： How nice to hear from you again. Let me tell you something about the activity. I’m glad to have received your letter of Apr. 9th. I’m pleased to hear that you’re coming to China for a visit. I’m writing to thank you for your help ring my stay in America. 结尾部分： With best wishes. I’m looking forward to your reply. I’d appreciate it if you could reply earlier. 二、口头通知常见写作模板 呼语及开场白部分： Ladies and gentlemen, May I have your attention, please? I have an announcement to make. 正文部分： All the teachers and students are required to attend it. Please take your notebooks and make notes. Please listen carefully and we’ll have a discussion in groups. Please come on time and don’t be late. 结束语部分： Please come and join in it. Everybody is welcome to attend it. I hope you’ll have a nice time here. That’s all. Thank you. 三、议论文模板 1.正反观点式议论文模板 导入： 第1段：Recently we’ve had a discussion about whether we should... （导入话题） Our opinions are divided on this topic.（观点有分歧） 正文： 第2段：Most of the students are in favour of it.（正方观点） Here are the reasons. First... Second... Finally...(列出2~3个赞成的理由) 第3段：However, the others are strongly against it. （反方观点） Their reasons are as follows. In the first place... What’s more... In addition...(列出2~3个反对的理由) 结论： 第4段：Personally speaking, the advantages overweigh the disadvantages, for it will do us more harm than good, so I support it.（个人观点） オ 2.“A或者B”类议论文模板： 导入： 第1段： Some people hold the opinion that A is superior to B in many ways. Others, however, argue that B is much better. Personally, I would prefer A because I think A has more advantages. 正文： 第2段：There are many reasons why I prefer A. The main reason is that ... Another reason is that...(赞同A的原因) 第3段: Of course, B also has advantages to some extent... (列出1~2个B的优势) 结论： 第4段: But if all these factors are considered, A is much better than B. From what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that ...(得出结论) オ 3.观点论述类议论文模板： 导入： 第1段：提出一种现象或某个决定作为议论的话题 As a student, I am strongly in favour of the decision. （亮明自己的观点是赞成还是反对） The reasons for this may be listed as follows. （过渡句，承上启下） 正文： 第2段：First of all... Secondly... Besides...(列出2~3个赞成或反对的理由) 结论： 第3段：In conclusion, I believe that... （照应第1段，构成"总—分—总"结构） 4."How to"类议论文模板： 导入： 第1段：提出一种现象或某种困难作为议论的话题 正文： 第2段： Many ways can help to solve this serious problem, but the following may be most effective. First of all... Another way to solve the problem is ... Finally...(列出2~3个解决此类问题的办法) 结论： 第3段：These are not the best but the only two/ three measures we can take. But it should be noted that we should take action to...(强调解决此类问题的根本方法) 四、图表作文写作模板 The chart gives us an overall picture of the 图表主题. The first thing we notice is that 图表最大特点 . This means that as (进一步说明). We can see from the statistics given that 图表细节一 . After 动词-ing 细节一中的第一个变化， the动词-ed+幅度+时间(紧跟着的变化) . The figures also tell us that图表细节二 . In the column, we can see that accounts for (进一步描述). Judging from these figures, we can draw the conclusion that (结论). The reason for this, as far as I am concerned is that (给出原因). / It is high time that we (发出倡议). 五、图画类写作模板：1.开头 Look at this picture./The picture shows that.../From this picture, we can see.../As is shown in the picture.../As is seen in the picture... 2.衔接句 As we all know, .../As is known to all,.../It is well known that.../In my opinion,.../As far as I am concerned,.../This sight reminds me of something in my daily life. 3.结尾句 In conclusion.../In brief.../On the whole.../In short.../In a word.../Generally speaking.../As has been stated...

3、我想要一篇自考本科英语毕业答辩论文(字数5000多字)

目录

一、论文目录………………………………………………… 1
二、论文内容摘要与关键词………………………………… 2
三、如何在阅读实践中提高英语阅读能力………………… 3
（一） 在扎实的词汇的基础上，掌握良好的阅读技巧………3
（二） 培养良好习惯，良好的习惯是成功的一半 ………… 4
（三） 掌握语言知识是形成良好阅读能力的重要条件 …… 5
（四） 激发学习英语阅读的兴趣…………………………… 5
（五） 对学生进行一定的心理教育与指导 ………………… 6
（六） 阅读时要注意培养语感……………………………… 6
（七） 英语阅读练习要持之以恒 ………………………… 6
三、主要参考文献…………………………………………………6

如何在阅读实践中提高英语阅读能力
连云港光裕中学 葛老师

摘要：阅读能力的提高包括速度的提高和理解力的增强，通过更新教育观念、树立正确的阅读观念、精读与泛读的统一运用、激发阅读兴趣、培养阅读习惯和阅读语感等一系列阅读实践中提高阅读能力。而阅读能力的提高，必须在有扎实的基础的前提下，通过在阅读实践中提高阅读能力

关键词；英语阅读能力、方法、阅读实践

How to be improved English reading ability in the reading practice

Summary：
The reading ability enhancement includes the speed and the comprehension faculty enhancement, through updating ecation idea, setting up the correct reading idea, the perusal and the general-comprehension reading unification utilization, blazing reading interest, the raise reading custom and the reading language feeling and so on in a series of reading practice sharpens the reading ability. But reads the ability the enhancement, must in have the solid basis under the premise, through sharpens the reading ability in the reading practice.

Key word：
English reading ability, method, reading practice

正文：阅读是一种书面交际形式，既是目的又是手段，"目的"是指获得阅读理解的能力，"手段"是指从阅读入手培养语感，积累语言经验，获得综合运用英语的能力。当今社会，国际交往频繁，科学技术不断发展，知识更新极其迅速，人们常需要用英语阅读书刊、杂志、信函、电传、电报、报告、使用说明书及广告等。并且，计算机网络使人们获取信息和交往的方式和速度发生了根本性的变化，而英语是国际互联网上使用最多的语言。所以，只有具备用英语获取信息的人，尤其是善于阅读的人，才有可能获得更强的可持续发展能力和更多的终身受教育机会。但是由于种种原因制约呢大家的阅读能力，进而影响整个英语水平
阅读能力的提高是一个逐步积累的渐进过程，阅读是英语学习的一项基本要求，也是提高英语水平的重要途径，明确阅读能力，改变观念，注重方法。在阅读实践中提高阅读能力：阅读能力的提高包括速度的提高和理解力的增强。这都要通过必要的、大量的练习和专门的训练。考生不但要大量阅读涉及各种学科领域、各种题材的读物，扩大知识面，而且要有意识地读一些附有练习题的文章，并进行限时阅读，以便检查、测试自己的阅读能力。熟悉各种题目类型，从而在提高阅读速度和理解能力的基础上提高应试能力。那么如何在日常实践中提高阅读能力？我们应该注意那些问题呢？
首先，在扎实的词汇的基础上，掌握良好的阅读技巧。
首先要讲究阅读的效率，而效率体现在阅读的速度和阅读能力两个方面。阅读速度过快会使阅读流于形式，影响我们阅读的最终目的，欲速则不达；阅读速度过慢就不能大量阅读，提高不了阅读能力。一般应以每分钟50—60词较为合适。其次，应培养猜测能力和理解读物的深层含义的能力。有时，文章的语言并非都是一目了然，有的开门见山，直截了当，有的曲折迂回，需要推理。所以，学生应培养自己的猜测能力和深层理解的能力，学会从上下文猜测整个句子的意思，领悟文章的内涵，从而提高阅读理解能力。步骤可以如下：
（一） 速读通览全文，搞清中心大意。弄清故事的主要人物（who）;发生的时间（when）和地点（where）；原因(why)及如何解决问题(how)等。
（二） 掌握内容主线，首尾加以串联。要先从宏观入手，掌握中心意思，幷注意说明中心意思的主要事实和细节，抓住关键性词语。
（三） 了解全文大意，细心推理分析。要细心地加以“由此及彼、由表及里、去伪存真”的推理分析，在全文的大意基础上判断词语的确切含义。
（四） 吃透作者意图，归纳中心大意。
（五） 培养良好习惯。排除口腔发音动作，通过视觉直接接受文字信号，一目十行，以意群或词组尾单位，注意力集中于关键词、主题句等。

其次 培养良好习惯，良好的习惯是成功的一半：
帮助学生养成良好的阅读习惯是培养阅读能力的重要任务，一些学者发现，要使学生养成良好的阅读习惯，就应该要求学生掌握领读习惯，划读习惯，摘读习惯，询读习惯，注读习惯，比读习惯和议读习惯。要培养学生这八方面的良好习惯，只能从学生年龄特征出发，根据阅读教学的具体情况，有的放矢地逐渐培养；只有注意阅读中的一点一滴，持之以恒，“聚沙成塔，集腋成裘”，才能最终使学生养成良好的阅阅读习惯。阅读时要去掉杂念，心绪安定，精神专一，要形成一种惬意的心理，造成大脑皮层的优势兴奋中心。像阅读中文小说一样，遇到生词难句是在所难免的，切不可心烦意乱，失去自控能力，而要从容不迫，泰然处之，这样才能对所读的文章印象清晰，理解深刻。掌握正确的阅读方法提高阅读能力包括提高阅读速度和理解力两个方面。许多考生在阅读外语时速度很慢，这是由于一些不良的阅读习惯所致。例如：
一见到生词就要停下来查字典，不会联系上下文猜测词义。
用手指或笔尖指着文章逐词阅读。
在心中默读或小声地逐词朗读。
需要把每句话在心中或口头译成汉语才能理解句子的意思，不会用外语思维，直接理解句子的意义。
以上几种不正确的阅读习惯不但影响阅读的速度，而且影响对文章大意和主旨的正确理解。
提高阅读能力，还必须掌握正确的阅读方法和有效的阅读技能。一般说来，考生应根据不同的目的，采用不同的阅读方法。下面介绍三种基本阅读方法。
1.快速浏览，也叫略读 (Skimming)
略读就是快读。目的是通过草草通读和浏览全文的方法，了解文章的大意和主旨，对文章的内容有个总的概念和印象。具体地说，就是略去细节部分，不要花时间琢磨难句和生词，重点阅读开头段、结尾段以及每段的首句和结尾句。这些部分往往概括了文章的写作意图和主题思想以及结论。多数情况下，每段的首句或结尾句就是该段的主题句。如果文章有题目或小标题，首先就要通过读题目或小标题思考一下，从中可以猜到本文所涉及的主要内容。
2.快速寻读，也叫查读 (Scanning)
寻读或查读的目的是要有目标地去找出文章中某些特定的信息或回答阅读理解题所需要的事实或依据。因此，查读时，也要以很快的速度扫视文章，注意与答题内容有关的词句；与内容无关或关系不大的部分则可一带而过。
3.细读 (Reading for Full Understanding)
在含有所需信息的段落或句子中要找到准确的内容，不但需要进一步重点细读有关的词语 和句子，理解其表层意义，还需要对句子进行分析、归纳、推理，从而了解句子的真正内涵，做出符合逻辑的判断，回答较为复杂的问题。在细读中遇到不熟悉的词语，可通过联系上下文，根据有关常识、背景知识以及利用构词规则来猜测词义。如果遇到难以理解的或结构复杂的长句，可借助语法知识，通过分析句子的结构，搞清主谓关系、指代关系以及修饰与被修饰关系等，从而达到更为深刻准确的理解。

第三，掌握语言知识是形成良好阅读能力的重要条件。
（一）要求学生掌握基本的英语知识
1.突破英语词汇关。词汇是构成语言的基本元素，英语词汇非常丰富，单词量大，包括大量的短评和科普词汇。要让学生在中学阶段掌握过多的词汇是不切实际的，但英语中最常用的动词，名词，形容词及一些常见的结构词（指介词，连词等）必须训练掌握；还要掌握一些构词法，如词缀，合成，转化等。此外，词义反映了一定的客观世界和社会实践，它们还随着社会文化，民族习惯，语言环境等因素发生一定的变化。
2.突破语法关。语法是词汇构成语言的规则。掌握英语语法，并能把自己的英语语法 知识熟练地应用到英语阅读实践中去，这是提高阅读理解能力必须具备的基本功。英语语法核心主要指句子的基本结构，词类的用法，动词的形式，时态和语态等。社会发展到今天，英语语法也发生了某些变化，特别是句子结构的变化，这些变化在阅读中经常碰到。

第四、激发学习英语阅读的兴趣
兴趣就是动力。正如心理学家皮来杰所说：“兴趣是能量的调节者，它的加入便产生了储存内心的力量。”中国两千多年前的教育家孔子曾说过：“知之者不如好知者，好之者不如乐之者。”这里的“好”与“乐”实际上就是指学习兴趣。由此可见，教师在培养学生的阅读能力过程中应当选择一些饶有趣味的英文读物，由浅入深，由易到难，逐渐地让学生在阅读过程中体验到快乐的情绪，真正地让他们认识到阅读并非空洞乏味的活动，而是一种既可增加知识，又能令人愉快的活动。真正做到“为学所乐”，自觉地克服阅读过程中产生的一些不良的心理因素，从而以旺盛的精力，饱满的热情，进取的精神投入到阅读活动中去。

第五，对学生进行一定的心理教育与指导
智力因素和非智力因素相互作用，相互影响着阅读能力的形成与发展。如果教师只注重传授英语知识，不注意培养学生阅读心理，阅读习惯等，容易使学生在阅读时产生急躁，焦虑，恐惧，恼怒等负情感体验，它们将在一定程度上影响阅读的效果，从而对培养学生阅读能力产生干扰作用。如果这些负情感体验持久地存在于学生的阅读过程中，势必将影响阅读能力的形成与发展。因此，教师对学生进行一定的心理教育与指导是完全必要的。主要通过以下两方面途径：

第六，阅读时要注意培养语感。
所谓语感，是指人们对语言中词语搭配及句型结构的熟练程度。语感好的人，理解力就强，视读的速度就快。阅读时要留心词语的搭配，即惯用法，必要时可做点标记。读多了，语感自然会好起来。读完一篇文章后，要再回味一下中心思想、人物事件、论点论据等，做到心中有数。对不清楚的地方可以再回看几次。要留心关键词句，注意弦外之音。在细读文章时，可以边读边用笔把有关的人物、事件、时间、地点、原因等划出来，例如，凡逢人物就圈起来，看完一数，有几个圈就是几个人，一目了然。

冰冻三尺，非一日之寒。”在培养英语阅读能力的过程中，我们应该认识到它的形成是一个渐进的复杂过程，我们的主要任务是使学通过大量以理解为中心的阅读训练（如读后笔答，选择，判断，填充等），培养学生的阅读兴趣与习惯，阅读技巧与能力，以此推动学生的概括与抽象，分析与综合，推理与判断的思维能力的发展。只有真正认识到阅读的实质所在并采取相应的对策，不断实践，勇于探索，才有希望使学生的阅读速度，阅读水平和综合理解能力有较大的提高。
主要参考书目：
1．袁秉政 〈〈分析如何提高英语阅读能力考研辅导〉〉
2. 肖建芳 “影响英语阅读效率的因素及对策”，载《中小学英语教学与研究》
1998年第3期
3. 汪榕培 “词义变化的社会和语言原因”，载,<<外语与外语教学>>1997年第3期
4. 刘善良 〈〈顶尖英语强化训练哈尔滨出版社〉〉2001年7月
5. 朱 纯 〈〈外语教学心理〉〉上海外语教育出版社1994年
6. 〈〈全日制义务教育高级中学课程标准〉〉2001年7月
7. 朱葡初 〈〈初中英语课堂教学研究湖南大学出版社〉〉2000年

4、自考本科英语

自考的难度在成人教育中是最难的，主要是考试重点无法把握，复习范围比较大，但只要掌握复习方法，通过是没有问题。自考英语的复习方法：
1、网上下载历年试卷和考试大纲，把答案在教材书上找出来。因为自考试题是从题库中出来的，往往会反复考到，只要把这些题目都背下来，一般及格没有问题。
2、根据大纲复习，要求识记和掌握的重点背下来，就可以有好的成绩。
3、考试时，要把名词解释当简答题回答，凡是能记住的内容只要卷面允许，都写上去。
4、自考的题目范围广，但难度不大，所以要记住的内容比较多。

5、自考英语本科的写作

自考作为国家大考，考试比较严格。总体来讲，对于自考生这个特殊群体来讲，自考确实存在一定难度。毕竟自考考试科目较多，而且专业性较强。在这方面对上班族和自身知识基础较差的自考生是一个非常大的挑战。

6、写一篇英文作文

Jokes About Animal
A cat with suspected Multiple Personality Disorder:
As an experienced veterinary psychologist, I have treated many cats for a wide variety of conditions, including Feline Factitious Disorder (F.F.D.), Siamese Schizophrenia, Generalized Angora Anxiety Syndrome (G.A.A.S.), Hysterical Hairballs, Catnip Dependence, Finicky Personality Disorder, and of course, MPD (usually known as Feline Dissociative Disorder, multiple type).

What small success I have had has been the proct of rigorously applied Multiphasic Empathic Ontogenic Work (M.E.O.W.). It is demanding of both therapist and patient, but given sufficient motivation and an understanding owner, it is the only hope.

The first phase of treatment requires repeated application of Feline Exo-Empathic Dysphoric Mood Exercises (F.E.E.D.M.E.) until a stable period of at least one month has been established. The next phase begins the challenging of the fragmentation, and it entails the Lovingly Interpreted Transferential Topographic Entity Rapprochement By Observed Xenophobia maneuver (L.I.T.T.E.R.B.O.X.) in which the very fragmentation itself is made toxic to the cat. The final phase proces a single, intact personality through Positive Unified Reintegrated Reinforcement (P.U.R.R.), and though this phase can last upwards of two years, it is essential that it be performed unerringly with intensely focused purpose. A thorough exegesis of M.E.O.W. treatment can be found in my latest book, "Feline Analytic Theory & Character: Assessment and Technique" (F.A.T.C.A.T.).

Marge was telling her friend Grace how she gets her son out of bed in the morning. "I just open his door and toss the cat on his bed. He sleeps with his dog."

There once were two cats in Kilkenny
And each thought there was one cat too many;
So they quarreled and fit
And they gouged and they bit
Til, excepting their nails
And the tips of their tails,
Instead of two cats there weren't any.

Can cats see in the dark?
Yes, but they have trouble holding the flashlight!

do you call a cat that has swallowed a ck?
A ck filled fatty puss.

Pete: Have you ever seen a catfish?
Paul: Yes, i have
Pete: How did it hold the rod?

A black and white cat crossed my path this morning, and since then my luck has been patchy

Customer: Do you sell cats meat?
Butcher: Yes, as long as they are accompanied by a human being

There was a man whose dog had died. Before he buried the dog, he took
the dog to the vet to see if for sure the dog was dead.
The vet says, Put him on the table here.
He opened a door, a cat walked around the dog once and returned inside
the little box and the vet close the door.
The vet said, Yep, your dog's dead, that'll be 200 dollars.
200 dollars, the man said, don't you think that's a little bit
excessive just to tell me my dog's dead?
The vet said, "Well, it's 40 dollars my fee, 160 for the cat scan."

What do you call a cat that travels by train?
A com-Mew-ter

What happened to the cat that swallowed a ball of wool?
She had mittens

The U.S. Army attempts to explain the question:?Why did the chicken cross the road?

Training and Doctrine Command (TRADOC):?The purpose is to familiarize the chicken with road-crossing proceres.?Road-crossing should be performed only between the hours of sunset and sunrise. Solo chickens must have at least three miles of visibility and a safety observer.

Special Forces Command:?The chicken crossed at a 90 degree angle to avoid prolonged exposure to a line of communication.?To achieve maximum surprise, the chicken should have performed this maneuver at night using NVGs (night vision goggles), preferably near a road bend in a valley.

Personnel Command (PERSCOM):?Due to the needs of the Army, the chicken was involuntarily reassigned to the other side of the road. This will be a 3-year controlled tour and we promise to give the chicken a good-deal assignment afterwards.?Every chicken will be required to do one road-crossing ring its career, and this will not affect its opportunities for future promotion.

Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA):?Despite what you see on CNN, I can neither confirm nor deny any fowl performing acts of transit.?Questions? Please see the SSO.

ARMY FOREIGN TECHNOLOGY CENTER:?This event will need confirmation; we need to repeat it using varied chicken breeds, road types, and weather conditions to confirm whether it can actually happen within the parameters specified for chickens and the remote possibility that they might cross thruways designated by some as 'roads.'

Fort Rucker:?The chicken should log this as a GCC sortie only if road-crossing qualified.?The crossing updates the chicken's 60-day road-crossing currency only if performed on a Monday or Thursday or ring a full moon.?Instructor chickens may update currency any time they observe another chicken cross the road.

Forces Command (FORSCOM):?The purpose is not important.?What is important is that the chicken remained under the OPCON (operational control) of USCINCTRANS (U.S. Commander in Chief, Transportation Command) and did not CHOP to the theater on the other side of the road.?Without CHOPing the chicken was able to achieve a seamless road-crossing with near perfect, real-time in-transit visibility.

Theater Air Control Center (TACC):?We need the road-crossing time and the time the chicken becomes available for another crossing.

COMMAND POST:?What chicken?

TOWER:?The chicken was instructed to hold short of the road. This road incursion incident was reported in a Hazardous Chicken Road-Crossing Report (HCRCR).?Please re-emphasize that chickens are required to read back all hold short instructions.

ARMY MATERIEL COMMAND (AMC):?Recent changes in technology, coupled with today's multipolar strategic environment, have created new challenges in the chicken's ability to cross the road.?The chicken was also faced with significant challenges to create and develop core competencies required for this new environment.?STRICOM has been asked to develop a Virtual Intensive Chicken Trainer Using ADA Language (VICTUALS).?Anticipated fielding of this device will possibly benefit the Army After Next (AAN) and certainly the NAATNA, (Next Army After The Next Army) initiatives. AMC's Chicken Systems Program Office (CSPO), in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) CSPO helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.?The CSPO convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and retired chickens along with MITRE consultants with deep skills in the transportation instry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge and capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals ofdelivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, mission-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified Mission Need Statement and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values.?This was concive towards the creation of a total business integration solution.?The Chicken Systems Program Office helped the chicken change to continue meeting its mission.

A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has come into the library and is patiently waiting in front of the desk. When the chicken sees that it has the librarian's attention, it squawks, "Book, book, book, BOOK!"
The librarian complies, putting a couple of books down in front of the chicken. The chicken quickly grabs them and disappears.
The next day, the librarian is again disturbed by the same chicken, who puts the previous day's pile of books down on the desk and again squawks, "Book, book, book, BOOK!"
The librarian shakes her head, wondering what the chicken is doing with these books, but eventually finds some more books for the chicken. The chicken disappears.
The next day, the librarian is once again disturbed by the chicken, who squawks (in a rather irritated fashion, it seems), "Book, book, book, BOOK!" By now, the librarian's curiosity has gotten the better of her, so she gets a pile of books for the chicken, and follows the bird when it leaves the library. She follows it through the parking lot, down the street for several blocks, and finally into a large park. The chicken disappears into a small grove of trees, and the librarian follows. On the other side of the trees is a small marsh. The chicken has stopped on the side of the marsh. The librarian, now really curious, hurries over and sees that there is a small frog next to the chicken, examining each book, one at a time. The librarian comes within earshot just in time to hear the frog saying, "Read it, read it, read it..."

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
The rooster.

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on it's face and the egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off.
The egg mutters, to no one in particular, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question..."

A chicken walked into a bookshop, up to the counter, looked the sales assistant in the eye and said "Buk!".
The assistant, somewhat taken aback, grabbed a book off of the best seller shelf, placed in on the counter and said "Book". To the assistant's surprise the chicken then paid for the book, took it and left the shop.
Next day the chicken returned to the bookshop, walked over to the sales assistant and said "Buk! buk!".
The puzzled assistant gave a shrug, picked two more books from the shelf, placed them on the counter and said "Book book". Once again the chicken paid up, took the two books and left the shop.
Third day the chicken again entered the bookshop, walked over to the sales assistant and said "Buk! buk! buk!".
Now the sales assistant just can't figure out what a chicken would want with books, but a sale is a sale so he selects three more books for the chicken, places them on the counter and says "Book book book". As expected the chicken pays up, takes the three books, and leaves the shop.
The sales assistant can no longer contain his curiosity so he decides to follow the chicken and find out what the hell is going on. Grabbing a jacket he hurriedly closes and locks the shop, just in time to see the chicken turning the corner at the end of the road. Running to the corner he sees the chicken in the distance entering the local park. Running to the park he enters through the gates and spots the chicken way over the other side near to the pond. Running through the park he finally catches up with the chicken near some rushes at the edge of the pond. The sales assistant is really breathless now and can't speak to the chicken so he just watches while the chicken gives each book, one at a time, to a toad by the waterside. Each time the chicken passes a book to the toad the toad looks at the cover and says "Redit, redit, redit"

Three guys are finalists for one position with the CIA. The candidates are told that for the last phase of the selection process they will need to bring their wives in. "We need to know some things about your home life", they are told.
No problem, all three men bring in their wives the next day. The three wives are placed in separate rooms, as are the candidates. The CIA interviewers go into the room with the first candidate:
"Sometimes CIA agents are asked to do things that seem wrong to them. We need to know for sure that your conscience will not get in the way of our objectives, and that you'll be able to carry out whatever task we ask of you."
With that, one of the interviewers pulls out a gun. "Go into the other room and kill your wife", are the instructions he gives.
"What, are you crazy?" he responds. "I've got two great kids and I love my wife. You can keep your stinkin' job!" And with that, he takes his wife and removes himself from consideration.
The agents approach the second candidate with the same explanation and instruction.
"You've got to be kidding!" he exclaims. "We've been married for 30 years. I couldn't be happier with her. Screw you and your job!" And, with that, he takes his wife and removes himself from consideration.
Finally, the agents approach the last candidate and give him the same explanation and instruction.
Instantly, he darts out of the room with the gun and into the room where his wife is. Six quick shots are fired. After a brief silence, the agents could hear all kinds of crashing noises. Finally the candidate emerges from the room all frazzled and bloody.
"What happened in there?" the agents ask.
The candidate responds, "Some idiot put blanks in that gun. I had to strangle the bitch!"

I was driving through the country, and there were some cows by the side of the road. We're all mature alts, so we've all done this: I leaned my head out of the car window, and yelled, "Moooooo!" Like we expect that cow to be thinking, "Hey, there's a cow driving that car! How can he afford that?"

What do you call a cow that has had an abortion? Decaffeinated.

How does a rancher manage his accounts? On a cowculator.

what do you call a cow that has had an abortion ? =
decaffeinated.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.

7、自考英语本科毕业论文该怎么写请求帮助

你好，题目感觉很有意思啊，建议你沿着你的思路写。个人意见如下：

如果你版的题目是 “教权学法”的话，可能重点应该放在“如何教”

具体如何教的话，可以分为几个小点，比如：1) 会计专业的就业方向： 四大，本土事务所，外企，公务员，无论选择哪个英语的至关重要，尤其是四大和外企 2) 在如何教上花功夫，比如引入国外有趣的教材深入浅出的讲解会计理念，比如 开设英语角，比如引入case study 模拟真实案例英语分析，比如leaderless discussion无领导小组讨论，模拟进入职场之前的面试场景等等

8、求英语作文！！！大学自考。。题目My Family，。。

There are five members in my family, my parents, my younger brother and I. My brother is only six years old. He goes to a primary school. And I am studying in a university. My father is a driver. He works very hard every day. And my mother runs a company of her own. She is very busy every day. She seldom has time to have dinner with us. Wheneven I am sad and whenever I meet some trouble, I would think of my family. Home is like a harbor to me. I can always find comfort and encouragement at home. I love my family.

9、2019成人高考专升本英语作文范文【三篇】

2019成人高考专升本英语作文范文：

1.环境保护：

There are still many problems of environmental protection in recent years. One o the most serious problems is the serious pollution of air, water and soil. 

The polluted air does great harm to people’s health. The polluted water causes diseases and death. What’s more, vegetation has been greatly reced with rapid growth of modern cities.

To protect the environment, governments of many countries have done a lot. Legislative steps have been introced to control air pollution, to protect the forest and sea resources and to stop any environmental pollution. 

Therefore, governments are playing the most important role in the environment protection today.

In my opinion, to protect environment, the government must take even more concrete measures. First, it should let people fully realize the importance of environment protection through ecation. 

Second, much more efforts should be made to put the population. Finally’ those who destroy the environment intentionally should be severely punished. 

We should let them know that destroying environment means destroying mankind themselves.

2.低碳生活：

In recent years, e to the country to promote low-carbon living, now the city has many people usually go out no more cars, but with the bike, and some people just walk.

Also, in the summer, people a few years ago still use air conditioning. Later, some people learn the low carbon life, no longer open air conditioning, but with less power of the electric fan, now, people have even the fans are no longer in use, but with the fan.

Now, our family life is the lowest carbon water, we pool water, has now become a bucket. The pond water will flow into the bucket. Buckets of water to flush the toilet, take a shower of water of our home is generally used to flush the toilet. 

Washing machine is the same water.

Low carbon life.

3.旅游和垃圾：

Nowadays, though the awareness of protecting environment is being accepted by more and more people, we can still see many unpleasant scenes especially in scenic spots. Why does this phenomenon arise? Many factors are accounting for it. 

First and foremost, to some people, the consciousness of protecting environment is still not so strong. They may not think it is a big deal to throw rubbish everywhere. In addition, the environmental management system isn’t so satisfying.

 For example, in some places there’re few regulations or the implementation is seldom performed actually.From what has been discussed above, it is urgent to take some effective and relative measures.

 In the first place, we should continue to conct more propaganda in communities and schools so as to let people realize the importance of protecting environment. 

In the second, more rules should be made and carried out by the government to restrain the conction of destroying environment. 

People should work together to create clean and beautiful surroundings.

(9)自考本科英语作文范文扩展资料：

统招与成考区别：

统招专升本难就难在考试录取上。

只要考上，几乎都能拿到本科证和学士学位证。从国家、从学校、从学生本人角度看来，举办统招专升本是解决专科生现实社会问题的一个理想的途径，专科同学一般都想上本科学校的，不愿就停留在专科层次上，每年都想报的人很多，竞争很激烈，希望想要专升本的朋友们要提前作好准备。

成人专升本是指专科毕业后，离开学校后，参加全国统一的成人考试，每年与成人高考同时报名考试，最后颁发的学历是成人本科学历（有学位）。 毕业证盖所学习高校章，证书上显示“成人教育脱产或函授”字样，国家承认，通常认为同等情况下，社会认可度低于普高本科甚至自考本科。

两者不同在于：统招专升本的学历是普通高校，第一学历是本科。成人的专升本的学历是成人。但是统招专升本一般仅限在原地区范围内，专业必须对口，学校的选择很少；成人专升本则可以选择原专科不同的专业，学校范围可遍布全国各地，最后也有学位，可以考研。